I was recently telling Kenny that I didn't know how I managed to graduate from a private college with no debt. Then as I thought about it, I realized I don't remember much from that time. I was busy! Not normal busy. Busy as in take 18 credits, work full-time and manage to volunteer a few hours a week and have some semblance of a life outside of work and school. Then when I graduated I stayed busy. Worked full-time, coached soccer, volunteered, got married, got a puppy. I realized I was busy and I didn't like it. My favorite days were when I had nothing planned. Then I had this epiphinany 'I don't need to be busy.' You don't have to be a genius to come to that conclusion, but you do have to be thick skinned and confident to do something about it. The reason I say this is because the world tells us if we are not busy, then we are lazy, not driven, wasting our time, being unproductive, empty...you can fill in the blank. It is not normal to not be busy.
Have you ever told someone you were busy and had the response "Good for you" or "Better than the alternative". Or have you ever said no to someone and have them question why. I recently quit coaching soccer and it was as though my reason for quitting had to be another form of busyness. I couldn't just quit to have free time. The reason I came up with was that we were thinking about starting a family soon, which was true, but not the reason why. Kenny and I don't want to work all day and have every week night filled along with weekends filled with soccer games. We don't even have kids. Don't get me wrong, I love coaching BUT I love waking up on Saturday mornings and have nothing planned. I love going for walks. I love having nothing planned so that if something comes up I don't have to apologize and tell them I'm busy.
Choosing to simplify how we spend our time may seem lazy to some. It may seem like a waste, and that would be true if all we planned to do was sit home/read/watch tv/indulge in our selfish nature, but that is not what we desire. We desire to be able to focus on ourselves yes, but more importantly on others. I want to be able to go for a walk and if I see someone out, stop and talk instead of feeling like I need to hurry home to get to the next thing, I want to be able to stop by people's home just to say hi and visa versa. I want to watch the sun set. I want to play games with kids. I want to have dinner with people and savor the moments. To linger around. I want to go places and be fully present and not worry about where I need to be next.
I want to be fully present in every moment. I want to give people the best of me, not the rest of me. My desire is to live life fully present in every moment and to not waste my time being busy.