Dear "I'm not drunk!",
You threw a sock at a midget and screamed "Dobby be free!"
Sincerely, yes, you are.
Dear Spongebob,
You live in Bikini Bottom and you're super absorbant?
Sincerely, you're a tampon.
Dear Blank Please Blank: Part I
For those of you that have yet to discover Dear Blank Please Blank you have been missing out. Here are some of my favorites
My body is a weapon. What now?
Sincerely, Chuck Norris
Dear girls on facebook,
I thought it was "1-2-3 SMILE" not "1-2-3 DUCK FACE!"
Sincerely, anonymous
Dear people going to work,
Dear people going to work,
Please stop staring as I bike past you with my unicorn helmet. Safety doesn't have to be boring.
Sincerely, 25 year old secretary
Dear Edward,
This is why you were in Hufflepuff.
Sincerely, The Sorting Hat
Dear Stephanie Meyer,
Dear Stephanie Meyer,
Please note that when the love of Hermione's life left her, she continued to search for the keys to destroying the world's most powerful dark wizard. When the love of Bella's life left her, she curled up in the fetal position, went numb for months then jumped off a cliff.
Sincerely, J. K. Rowling
Dear Cat,
Sorry for hoisting you into the air whenever 'The Circle of Life' plays.
Sincerely, a Lion King enthusiast
Dear Rubik's Cube,
Done!
Sincerely, Colorblind
Kids Say the Darnedest Things: Part I
I work with kids on a regular basis, and it always seems to surprise me what they say. One of my favorite things to do is to sit down for lunch with a group of kids. The things they say and the situations I find myself in make me smile and squirm all at the same time.
Kid Encounter Part I
Premise: We were sitting at lunch discussing roller coasters and fair rides.
None of the names used are real. The ages of the girls range from 6-8.
Erin: "I was on a ride and saw a baby."
Me: "A baby baby?" (making the rocking motion)
Erin: "Yes a baby baby."
Cali: "Like the kind that comes out of a mom's tummy?"
Erin: "Yes"
Malory: In a quiet voice "Babies don't come out of the tummy."
Everyone stares at Malory. I'm dumb struck as I know what is coming.
Malory: Stands up and points down you know where and says "They come out down there."
Cali: "No they don't!"
Malory: "Yes. They do!"
The girls stare back and forth, both convinced they are right as to where babies come out at.
Me: "Yes, some do come out there and some come out of the belly too. You should talk to your parents about this : )" Divert subject "When you go to the fair, would you rather eat the food or ride the rides?"
Crisis averted. I never want someone else explaining to my future kids about the birds and the bees so I divert all iffy situations to the parents. Only out of respect, not awkwardness. Never.
War and Cardboard
One of my favorite tv shows as a child was Xena: Warrior Princess.
Naturally when we (my sister and I) played make believe, I was Xena and she was Gabrielle. I was never into the princess and the fairy tales. I was all about Xena and playing outdoors. Can you guess what my favorite Disney movie was?
Don't act surprised. There is a connection here. I use to love playing make believe battle and pretending to be a warrior, and last night my childhood dream came true.
Last night at youth group it was cardboard castle night. No one knew what to expect, but I think a great time was had by all. The main elements were: Build fortress, Equip yourself with armor, and Do battle with the enemy.
There were 3 teams. Gryffindor, Ravage Monkeys?, and Stallions. The leaders were the monkeys. I was all for being Slytherin or Death Eaters. But apparently there were not as many like minded potter fans on my team.
The beginning of card board night included preperation.
BUILD FORTRESS AND PUT ON ARMOR
Now for the good part. The action.
Keith unfortunatly had no idea what was coming! (If you can't tell Keith is the one in the middle about to be taken out.)
The Battle
The VICTORY!!!
I battled that night. I sword fought, received welts, was whipped across the face, witnessed small children crying, and had so much fun. It was so freeing to create and imagine and run around whacking people with fake swords.
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